It can be a daunting experience to embark on couples counselling. Imagine that two people are trying to navigate to a hidden island using their individual maps and compasses. Sometime the ocean is calm and smooth. Some days, the seas are calm, but other times they can be rough – more info.
What makes couples want to sail into therapy together? There are as many reasons as there are fish in the ocean. It’s not uncommon for people to want to solve conflicts which keep returning like persistent seagulls. Other couples may wish to rediscover what first brought them together. Imagine it as a treasure hunt on the sandy beaches of everyday life.
Couples therapy offers an environment where both parties can express themselves without being judged or punished. This is a refuge in the stormy skies. The goal is not to repair what’s damaged, but rather to understand better ways of communicating when there are dark clouds.
Therapy is not just for couples on the edge of breaking up. It’s not true! Counseling is like regular maintenance of your boat. A few visits can smooth small imperfections before they grow into larger ones.
As with navigation charts, the process begins by both parties sharing their points of view. The neutrality of a therapist is crucial in facilitating dialogues that could otherwise go unnoticed.
This conversation will be very different under the supervision of a professional counselor than it would at home. It’s easier to talk in therapy because there are less distractions, less interruptions and you can stay on topic. It’s structured, more like following maritime rules than freewheeling over the ocean.
Let’s imagine your relationship in tandem kayaking. To move efficiently, you both have to paddle in sync. When one paddles against the current, or even stops paddling altogether, it will cause you to go around in circles. Counseling can help you to synchronize so that your navigation is more effective.
It’s true: talking about your personal life can be just as terrifying as jumping into water filled with unknowable creatures. Both your partner and therapist need courage. Communication strategies allow for both partners to speak their truths without having to worry about tumbling over.
Session topics can be anything from everyday irritations such as who cleans up the dinner dishes (again!) to more serious issues. The sessions can cover a wide range of issues, such as whose turn it is to do the dishes after dinner again? Yes, you can sometimes get caught up in the emotional vortex of past events that influence how you communicate today.
Think of the office as an experimental laboratory, where you could try different techniques of communication before venturing out onto open waters.
While on this journey, it is important to celebrate small wins. Perhaps it is finally understanding your partner’s insistence on folding his clothes one way even though it makes you insane. Maybe it is learning to not only listen, but also really hear the words they are saying – even when it sounds imperfect.
Couples counseling may not always be smooth sailing. Expect some bumpy waters. But the skills you gain can help you navigate your journey through life, wherever it takes you.
Consider couples counseling as a way to smooth out your sailing, not just if you feel like things are going wrong.